


Breathing Air But There's No Sign of Life

by ibonekoen



Category: Y tu mamá también (2001)
Genre: M/M, Meaningless Sex, Mutual Pining, but has a happy ending, ten years of regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2019-01-19 18:53:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12415938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ibonekoen/pseuds/ibonekoen
Summary: Ten years ago, Tenoch Iturbide took a road trip with his best friend and his cousin's wife that changed the course of their friendship. Ten years ago, Tenoch realised that he was in love with his best friend. Nine years ago, he walked away from his best chance at love.Now, he just might have a second shot.





	1. The Problem's In My Chest

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I have been wanting to write a fix-it fic for this movie ever since I watched it some months ago. I finally got the idea and initiative to do it when I saw a post by mototwinkclub referencing a picture of Tenoch ten years later. I hope that you enjoy it reading it as much as I did while writing it.
> 
> I have to thank rapidashpatronus for being my beta and mototwinkclub for being a cheerleader and keeping me going with her excitement over my teasers. I hope it was worth the wait!
> 
> (If you haven't already, you should go check out both of them on Tumblr. They're awesome people)
> 
> Oh, the title and chapter titles all come from Cage the Elephant's Cold Cold Cold.

His lips parted on a soundless word, and he swallowed it down before it could escape. He choked out a groan instead as he came with a shudder. Sweat rolled down his cheeks, leaving cool trails in their wake, and where he should’ve felt a warm satisfied glow, Tenoch Iturbide only felt a hollowed out shell.

His lover still knelt in front of him, mouthing at his softening dick, and fervid rage flared up in him. He roughly shoved the young man’s head away and hissed “Get the fuck out.”

The man — Hector? Jaime? — pulled back, confusion in his chocolate brown (not the right shade) eyes. “What?”

Tenoch growled and shot up off the sofa. “Get the fuck _out_!” He spun on his heel and stormed into the kitchen.

He rested his hands on the edge of the island counter, staring out the window above his sink at the night sky and the city lights. He took deep breaths and tried to calm his racing heart.

From the living room, he could hear the guy muttering in irritation as he moved around, no doubt gathering his clothes. The tense line of Tenoch’s shoulder didn’t ease until the front door slammed, and his whole body sagged forward as he leaned on his elbows.

He closed his eyes and laid his forehead on the cool granite counter. He hadn’t even bothered to tuck himself back into his briefs and his jeans still hung open. His shirt had been discarded somewhere in the living room, and the cool air of his apartment chilled his sweaty skin.

Quietness settled across the apartment, except for the ticking of the wall clock and the low hum of the refrigerator. Tenoch’s throat tightened as the silence pressed down on him like a fifty ton weight.

He should’ve been _happy_ , dammit. He could remember a time when sex had been one of his biggest joys, and getting off and finding ways to get off was his main goal. He should’ve been happier in general. At 28 years old, he’d finally cast aside the oppressive yoke of his father’s approval after years of months, months of days, days of _hours_ trying to gain something that stubbornly remained just beyond his reach.

He’d gone to college and gotten the goddamn economics degree like his father wanted, had gotten a respectable job and a girlfriend — and had been fucking miserable.

Something had been missing. While he’d had an inkling as to what it might be, he’d resolutely ignored it and gone about his daily business as if nothing was wrong, as if he didn’t feel like every step was like trudging through wet cement that threatened to dry around his ankles and leave him trapped.

His girlfriend, his family, his coworkers, everyone had been fooled — everyone except Leo, his former nanny. She’d never said anything, but he could see it in her eyes — she knew more than she let on.

With each passing day, Tenoch could feel the noose cinching tighter around his neck. His father pestered him about when he was getting a promotion. His girlfriend pestered him about when they were going to get married. His mother pestered him about love and happiness and his aura being “not quite right.”

He’d finally snapped one night while driving home. He’d been stuck in another traffic jam, inching along the highway at a snail’s pace — no, slower than a snail — and he’d been muttering curses under his breath. He couldn’t even say for certain what had called up the memory, but he’d flashed back to all the times Julio and he had gotten trapped in traffic, and how they’d laugh and joke and tease each other.

Tenoch’s vision blurred, and he just barely managed to pull off on the side of the road before the tears spilled down his face. He rested his head on his hands, which clutched the steering wheel in a white-knuckled grip, and remained like that until the sobs had subsided.

Afterwards, Tenoch felt drained and couldn’t stand the thought of going home. He knew he’d probably just end up picking a fight with his girlfriend, and she didn’t deserve that. She wasn’t a bad person, and he liked her well enough. He just didn’t _love_ her. Not like—

He’d cut that thought off and then driven around aimlessly, window rolled down to let the fresh air in and the smoke from the cigarette between his fingers out. He’d not been paying attention to where he was going, and he found himself parked outside a nondescript building in a part of Mexico City he didn’t normally frequent.

Daniel had brought him to that building once before, not long after he’d admitted what happened between Julio and him that night during the road trip. He thought about that night more than he cared to admit. 

Daniel had promised to introduce Tenoch to the Zona Rosa where the LGBTQ+ community thrived, but he’d felt it might be better to ease him into it with a more subdued club experience. So they’d gone to Marrakech Salon. He’d been back a couple of times with Daniel but never alone.

The club’s bare-chested servers caught Tenoch’s attention just as they had that first night, but he didn’t feel his face heat up with shame. Instead, he allowed himself to openly stare and ogle, and he began to relax.

He’d made his way onto the dance floor, eyes closing, body moving to the music. He’d never been what anyone would call a graceful dancer, but at that moment, he didn’t care. He just wanted to lose himself and forget his troubles, at least for one night.

His eyes had opened at some point, and he’d caught a young man watching him with interest. He was just a little bit shorter than Tenoch, and his hair too long, but he held enough of a resemblance to Julio that Tenoch stumbled over his own feet.

The guy had made his way over to Tenoch, and after a wordless exchange of glances, they began to dance. Well, grind against each other was more accurate. Tenoch had draped his his arms over the man’s shoulders, and the guy’s hands grasped his hips.

Eventually, the guy’s hands migrated down to squeeze Tenoch’s ass, and lust surged through him. Tenoch felt the guy’s mouth on his neck, and his knees almost buckled as the guy’s teeth sank into his skin. Their hips still grinded together, and Tenoch shuddered as he felt the guy’s hard cock rubbing against his thigh.

The guy backed up and wordlessly took Tenoch’s hand, leading him through the crowd.

That’s how Tenoch found himself in a stall in the men’s room, hands braced on the walls as the guy sucked him off. His girlfriend had done that numerous times but this felt so much more illicit, more provocative. Only minutes passed before Tenoch made a high-pitched noise, his face scrunching and his body trembling as he came.

After, as he was coming down off the high of the orgasm, he froze as he heard the guy moan once before shuddering. It took Tenoch a second to realize the guy had pulled his cock out of his jeans and stroked himself to completion.

Bile rose in the back of Tenoch’s throat. Sure, he’d jerked off with Julio at the country club every Monday since they’d hit puberty, but this felt so different. What he’d done, what he’d let that guy do to him, crashed into him, and his stomach recoiled.

He remembered shoving the guy aside and sprinting from the bathroom as he’d hastily done up his jeans. He made it to the alley behind the club seconds before he bent over and retched.


	2. My Heart Feels Cold As Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We take a look at Tenoch's greatest accomplishment in the past ten years and meet his neighbor.

Tenoch lingered under the hot water cascading out of his showerhead. He’d scrubbed himself clean — twice — and even scrubbed his hair. By the time the water ran cold, he’d quelled his rage but his hollowness remained.

He shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, toweling off. He paused to take a piss and then wrapped the towel around his waist. One hand dragged through the fog on his mirror, and he frowned at his reflection.

That encounter at Marrakech Salon hadn’t been his last. He’d ventured further into the Zona Rosa and been gratified to learn there was a whole community of people like him. It had been a dawning moment of understanding — maybe being attracted to men wasn’t so awful after all.

Getting out from under his father’s thumb had helped tremendously. He’d quit his economics job to pursue his dream of writing. When he sat down to write his first novel, the words had just poured out of him with such force, such fury that it almost seemed like they’d been waiting just below the surface, ready to burst out of him when the time was right.

_Y Tu Mamá También_ had gone through several drafts and revisions, and he’d argued back and forth with his editor about what to cut and what to keep. In the end, the final version had been close enough to Tenoch’s first draft that he felt he’d captured the spirit of that momentous road trip of his youth.

He’d changed the names, of course. Tadeo and Jairo might’ve had a slightly happier ending than their real-life counterparts, but otherwise he’d remained faithful to the events.

His editor had suggested he trim down most of the explicit scenes into something more tame. Tenoch had figured that was a small price to pay for getting his words out there in published format. Besides, in hindsight, he’d realized no one needed to know those intimate details. Let them remain a secret between those who had been there.

The book hadn’t been an overnight success but it had made a modest splash its first week of being available in ebook and print.

After the first three months, it started a slow climb up the charts when a prominent LGBTQ+ blog featured it as their Must-Read of the Week. After the blog had given it a positive review, the book had shot up to ninth on the best-selling list.

Around that time, a bouquet of flowers had been delivered to his apartment. He’d recognized the handwriting on the card before he’d even read the words, and his heart hammered in his chest. His hands trembled as he set the vase down on his coffee table and removed the card from its holder.

_**Congratulations on  
your book, charolastra.  
Jairo** _

Tenoch exhaled a breath and sat down heavily on the sofa. He reread the words several times, and then stared at the numbers written below Julio’s note. They weren’t numbers he recognized, but they’d not spoken in so long, so it was obvious Julio had gotten a new phone number. Tenoch had, after all, when he’d moved into his apartment. He didn’t know how to react to two facts: one, Julio had found out his address and personally sent him flowers, and two, he’d included his phone number.

Some part of him had wondered if Julio might see his book, what he might think. He’d signed the card Jairo! That meant something positive, didn’t it? He clearly wanted Tenoch to call him, but would he greet Tenoch with joy or animosity?

He’d agonized over the card, the number and the succinct message for days and weeks before finally tossing it into a desk drawer and slamming it shut.

~*~*~*~

Tenoch sat on the edge of his bed, flicking his thumb against the edge of the card. The flowers had long since wilted and been thrown out, and Tenoch had dialed the first two and then three digits of Julio’s number before chickening out and slamming down the phone. He’d gotten as far as the sixth digit the last time before he’d lost his nerve, but that had been several years ago. He couldn’t even guarantee that the number was still good.

Ten years had done nothing to dull his ardor for Julio, even if he hadn’t been brave enough to call him. At first, he’d been ashamed of his instinctive reaction of recoiling and vomiting. By the time they’d run into each other a year later, he’d thought too much time had passed to apologize.

His encounters with young men who remained anonymous, just a brief respite to scratch an itch, had cured him of that instinctive reaction, but did nothing to touch the anger that rushed in as the bliss of an orgasm faded.

That fleeting bliss wasn’t the same.

He became convinced that he’d reached nirvana that night with Julio and that he would never again find something that felt as good. Yet he continued — however pointless he believed deep down that it was — to search and seek and prowl, and the card with Julio’s number had remained tucked away in his writing desk and then his nightstand.

Tenoch scowled at the card in his hand. _Just call, dumbass!_ The little voice in the back of his mind sounded an awful lot like Julio, and he grimaced.

He stubbornly opened the nightstand drawer, dropped the card beside his wallet and slammed the drawer shut again.

A swim would settle him.

Telling his father to go fuck himself had, unfortunately, meant losing the privilege of accessing the country club when it was closed. Fortunately, there was a well-maintained pool in his apartment complex. Tenoch lamented the lack of privacy but at least it was only a short walk from his ground floor apartment.

He could also be guaranteed that if he got there early enough in the morning, he’d have the pool to himself. The downside was that he couldn’t jerk off on the diving board or swim in the nude.

Apparently there were _families_ with _children_ in the apartment complex who might be offended. Tenoch had been warned by the landlord that if he was caught swimming naked again, he’d have him arrested.

At least he hadn’t been caught jerking off.

Now, he made sure that he wore swim trunks. He tugged on his swim trunks and grabbed a towel, draping it over his shoulder. Slipping his feet into his flip flops, he headed to the pool.

As he drew closer to the enclosed pool area, he heard splashing. No childish shrieks though, so perhaps he was in luck. He didn’t mind the kids so much and even played pool games with them but sometimes they were just too much.

Tenoch opened the safety gate and stepped through, making sure it clicked shut behind him. He approached a lounge chair, set down his towel and kicked his flip flops off under the chair’s edge.

In the pool, a woman sliced through the water, swimming from one end to the other. While the pool was smaller than the one at the country club, it was big enough that they wouldn’t get in each other’s way.

As he approached the deep end of the pool, the woman popped to the surface and clung to the pool wall. She sloughed water off her face with her hand and then grinned. “Hey, Tenoch.”

Tenoch chuckled and smiled. “Andi, hey. How’s the water?”

“Perfect. I made sure to pee in it for you,” she replied in — as ever — perfect Spanish. She smirked, her blue eyes sparkling.

Andrea Kirsch wasn’t the first American Tenoch had met, but she was probably the one who made him feel most comfortable. She lived in the apartment across the hall from his, and they’d met shortly after he’d moved into the building. They’d established an almost instant rapport not unlike his friendship with Julio where they teased and bullshit each other.

He snorted at her comment and then dove into the pool, swimming a full lap before he broke the surface, sputtering and gasping for breath. His lungs burned as he swiped his fingers across his eyes, which stung from the chlorine. He could hear Andi laughing from the other side of the pool.

“You shouldn’t smoke so much, asshole!” She’d pulled herself out of the water and sat on the edge of the pool. The turquoise triangles of her bikini top clung to her ample breasts, and Tenoch could make out the points of her nipples, drawn taut from the temperature difference between the water and air.

“Fuck off!” he shouted back, and then he dove back under the water and swam toward her. Her legs dangled in the water, and he resurfaced between them, biting her right thigh.

“Ouch! You bastard!” She placed her hand square in the middle of his forehead and shoved him back, but he curled his fingers around her calves and held on, laughing. “Lemme go!”

She tried to kick out at him, but he just tightened his grip on her calves, immobilizing her.

“Come on in, Andi, the water’s great.” He smirked as he tugged at her legs, and then he laughed as he swam back beyond the reach of her kick.

“Brat.” She stuck her tongue out but fondness seeped into her tone. She did slip into the water and swim to him though.

She looped her arms around his shoulders and leaned in close, hovering inches from his lips. When he leaned in to close the gap, she pushed off him and swam back with a laugh.

Tenoch made a frustrated noise and swiped his arm through the water, sending a wave crashing in her direction. “Now who’s being a brat?”

The flirting and sex between them was relatively new, and they weren’t serious about each other. Andi was mostly into women but she sometimes got an itch that only a cock could scratch. It worked for Tenoch because while his encounters with anonymous men left him aggravated and ultimately unsatisfied emotionally, with Andi, it was just for the pleasure — no emotional attachments. They didn’t have a claim on each other; just casual sex now and then.

Andi laughed as she swam over to the steps. Water streamed off of her as she made her way out of the pool, and Tenoch stared at the way her bikini bottom clung to her ass.

She walked over to a lounge chair and grabbed a towel; after drying off a bit, she wrapped it around her body. “Well?” she called back over her shoulder, “You coming or what?”

Tenoch didn’t need to be told twice, already scrambling for the pool steps.


	3. Can You Help Me 'Cause I Don't Feel Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andi gives Tenoch some advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to all the comments and kudos for this fic! I'm so glad that so many people are enjoying it.

Towels and swimsuits lay discarded on the floor. Tenoch arched his back, his fingers leaving marks on Andi’s hips as she moved above him. Her hands cupped her tits, and she moaned as she squeezed them together.

“Fuck, Tenoch,” she gasped. She clenched around him and made a high-pitched whining noise as she began to cum.

With his eyes closed, that whine — so similar to the one he’d heard so many times since he’d been old enough to jerk off — set him off, and he groaned loudly, gasping out her name.

When he came back to himself, he felt bereft of tactile sensations, and he opened his eyes to find Andi tugging on her bikini. He frowned and propped himself up on his elbows. “Hey, where are you going? Give me ten and I’ll be ready for another go.”

She smiled ruefully and wrapped her towel around her body. She walked over to the nightstand, and his eyes tracked her movements as she opened the drawer and pulled out. “Call him, Tenoch.”

She extended her hand, and Tenoch’s chest tightened as he took the florist card. He frowned at it, remembering the night they’d gotten drunk on tequila and he’d brokenly sobbed as he’d told her about his best friend and what had happened between them. She’d counseled him then to call Julio, and he’d made one of his aborted calls. When he’d sobered up, they hadn’t spoken of it again — until now.

As the click of his front door echoed through the quiet apartment, humiliation slammed into him like a sucker punch to the gut as he realized what he had actually cried out when he’d cum.

_Julio_.

~*~*~*~

Tenoch tapped the card edge against his counter as he listened to the ringing on the other end of the line. His pulse raced, and he almost gave up and disconnected the call.

Then there was a click followed by a “¿Hola?”

His breath froze in his lungs, and his stomach roiled. He had to force himself to exhale. Julio sounded almost exactly the same — maybe a little deeper, but still recognizable as his best friend.

“¿Hola?” Julio made a frustrated noise. “I know you’re there, asshole; I can hear you breathing. If this is a—”

“Julio,” Tenoch croaked.

“— crank ca— _Tenoch_?”

He cleared his throat in an attempt to get rid of the sandpaper grit sensation in the back of his mouth. “Yeah, it’s me. I, I got your flowers. Thank you.”

Julio huffed out a laugh across the line. “Fuck, you asshole, it took you a long fucking time to call me. I was starting to give up hope.”

Tenoch gave a nervous laugh. “Yeah, me too.”

Awkward silence fell between them, and Tenoch listened to the sound of Julio’s breaths. He’d rehearsed in his head and in front of the mirror things that he could say to his childhood friend, but his throat had locked tight and he couldn't speak. His eyes prickled and he inhaled a breath, hoping to break through his mental fog.

“I miss you.”

Tenoch closed his eyes and exhaled, feeling his body loosen with relief that Julio had broken the silence first. “I miss you too,” he admitted.

As silence stretched for what seemed like ages, he began to fear that he had only imagined he’d spoken the words or that he’d spoken too low and Julio hadn’t heard him. “I miss you, Julio,” he said with a little more insistence.

“I heard you. I just wanted to hear it again to make sure I hadn’t imagined it.”

Tenoch laughed quietly. “Can we—” He wet his lips and rubbed his finger across Julio’s signature on the card.

“Can we?” Julio prompted after a few seconds.

Tenoch forced a breath out and willed his racing heart to calm down. “Meet. To talk. Face to face.”

“Yeah? I’d like that, actually. I’ve been waiting for you to ask. What about your girlfriend?”

Tenoch snorted. “We broke up years ago. I’m not dating anybody these days.”

“That’s good to know.” Julio chuckled. “Not that I’m expecting anything to happen between us. I— I don’t want to cause any problems.”

“You won’t, I swear. Where do you want to meet? We could get coffee or—” 

“Fuck no, no coffee. That was a fucking disaster last time.” Julio huffed out a heavy sigh.

“What then?” Tenoch frowned.

“A drink. Ever been to the Zona Rosa?” Julio said it casually but Tenoch could hear the tension in his words, the nervousness.

“Yeah, I’ve been to a few clubs.” Tenoch licked his lips. “Which one?”

Julio fell quiet, and Tenoch swallowed as he drummed his fingers on his knee. Just as he was beginning to get agitated and opening his mouth to snap a remark, Julio said “Kinky Bar. Gran Terrazo. Meet me there at ten tonight.”

Tenoch’s heart thudded against his chest — he was actually going to see Julio in the flesh. He couldn't believe it. He’d expected Julio to be so much angrier. “Okay. Ten o’clock, Kinky Bar tonight.”

“Okay. Don’t be late, asshole.”

Tenoch snorted and assured him that pfft, of course he wouldn’t be late. Then he hung up and fisted his hands in his hair, glad he was sitting on his bed because he felt a bit wobbly. He couldn’t be sure his legs would actually hold him right then.

He’d done it. He’d called Julio, and they were going to meet for the first time in ten years. Excitement bubbled up in his chest along with nervousness, but he wasn’t about to back out. Not now, not ever.

“Shit!” What was he going to wear?

He scrambled to his feet — and indeed, his legs were shaky — and hurried to his closet. He had to look absolutely perfect. He had to have Julio drooling over him after just one look.

He couldn’t fuck this up. Who knew if he’d get another chance like this?


	4. I've Seen Those Eyes Before, I Can Tell You Want to Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julio and Tenoch meet face to face for the first time in ten years.

The call from Tenoch had come out of nowhere. After Julio disconnected the call, he set his phone down on the table and just stared at it. Then he laughed and scrubbed his hands over his face. He had given up all hope of ever hearing from Tenoch, so that call had been a pleasant surprise.

He couldn’t believe that ten years had passed since they’d seen one another. After seeing each other every day since they were children, it had been difficult to accept at first.

Julio stepped out onto his balcony and lit a cigarette as his eyes scanned the cityscape. He felt calm — for now. His eyes flicked to his watch. Five hours until he would see Tenoch again.

He wondered how Tenoch would look. Ten years had passed, and he hardly looked the same, but he still held a mental picture of Tenoch in ill-fitting clothes, perfectly messy hair just long enough to fall into his beautiful eyes and that puka shell necklace that he never seemed to take off.

Daniel had mentioned in passing that he’d run across Tenoch over the years. He’d made not so subtle hints that Julio needed to get in touch with Tenoch, but Julio had brushed them off until he’d been browsing a local bookstore. The words ‘Tenoch Iturbide’ had caught his eyes, and he’d gaped at the vague whimsical image of a road leading off into a beautiful sunset.

Julio’s breath had caught as he’d picked up the book and flipped it over to read the synopsis. Despite the name changes, he’d immediately recognized that Tenoch had written about their fated road trip.

He’d paid for the book without hesitation and took it home to devour it. The emotions, the complicated feelings, the turmoil and rage and confusion of the trip had been written down on the pages so poignantly that Julio had felt himself transported back to that summer, back to the mixed up seventeen year old he’d been.

The decision to send Tenoch congratulatory flowers had come to him the minute he closed the book, but signing the card as Jairo had been spur of the moment. He’d agonized over it after leaving the florist shop, and he’d almost gone back twice to ask if he could rewrite it.

He’d spent the next two weeks in a nauseated, nicotine-fueled state of anxiety as he’d waited for Tenoch to call. By the end of the third week, he’d bitten his fingernails down to the quick, and when the calendar filled to a new month, he’d gotten frustrated and then aggravated.

After he’d vented to Daniel in a drunken tirade, he’d been left with nothing but hurt and confusion. Eventually that had dwindled to nothingness along with his hope that Tenoch would ever call.

More than once, Daniel had offered to kick Tenoch’s ass, but Julio refused to let him do that. He had his reasons, Julio would say. Reasons that made no sense to anybody but Tenoch, but reasons nonetheless. Life didn't stand still and wait for Tenoch Iturbide to get his head out of his ass. Julio had gotten over Tenoch breaking his heart once; he could do it again. 

So, Julio had once again picked up the shambles of his broken heart and gotten on with his life. He'd pushed all thoughts of Tenoch out of his mind — well, the book had remained prominently on his bookshelf for three years before he’d quietly tucked it behind another book. He’d dated a few times, mostly men. 

Once, he’d thought he'd met the guy he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and things had been good for two years. He couldn't put his finger on any one thing that had led to their breakup; it had been an accumulation of factors that has resulted in his boyfriend leaving.

“I can't compete with a ghost from your past!” Carlos had shouted during their last argument. He’d hurled Tenoch’s book across the living room, where it had slammed into the wall.

Julio had yelped and dove after it, a dismayed expression on his face, and Carlos had scoffed.

“That proves my point, Julio. You care more about that _fucking_ book than the fact that I’m leaving!” Carlos had thrown his hands up and stormed out of the room. 

Julio hadn't chased after him. He’d just stood there in the middle of the room, clutching the book to his chest, as Carlos had gotten his belongings and left.

Daniel had come over with tequila and weed after Julio had called him and broken down sobbing.

“You've got to get over Tenoch, dumbass,” Daniel had insisted.

Julio had shaken his head as he’d taken a pull from the tequila bottle. “That's just it, fucker, I've tried! For the last five years, I’ve tried!” He’d taken a long drag off the joint and held the smoke in for a few seconds before exhaling. “Nothing works. He’s ruined me.”

Daniel had rolled his eyes and snatched the bottle from Julio’s hand. “Chingada madre, you're a dramatic fuck. ‘He ruined me.’” He had snorted loudly. “You were fucking seventeen.”

Julio had glared at him. “Fuck off, Daniel.”

Daniel had raised his hands, still clutching the bottle in one. “Hey, I’m just saying. Carlos was a nice guy. You probably could've been happy with him if you’d just let go of Tenoch. I'm not trying to bust your balls but—”

“Then shut up.”

Daniel's mouth had snapped shut, and his eyes had narrowed. Julio had just glowered and snatched back the bottle.

~*~*~*~

Julio leaned against the terrace railing with his back to the sprawling city view. He watched the interior of the club for any sign of his friend. As the minutes ticked by, he began to get an unsettling feeling in his stomach.

Ten o’clock had come and went ten minutes ago, and though he tried not to fidget, he couldn't help the concern that Tenoch had ditched him.

He gulped down the last of his drink and took a step forward to head back inside for another. He stopped, eyes widening, as Tenoch moved away from the stairwell and cast a tentative glance around the club.

He hadn't spotted Julio yet, and Julio took advantage of the moment. He swept his gaze over his friend, cataloging the obvious differences — the full beard, the longer hair, clothes that didn't look so obnoxiously designer. They fit but in that relaxed, comfy way.

Tenoch’s eyes hadn't changed. A rich, dark brown, they were still lustrous pools of darkness Julie could drown in. He had to admit, the beard and longer hair worked in Tenoch’s favor as well. His shirt was unbuttoned just enough that Julio could see tufts of dark chest hair. 

He bit his lip, lust warming his skin, and he waved as Tenoch finally glanced in his direction. Julio’s heart beat faster and he straightened up. He’d chosen his outfit carefully — jeans tight enough to accentuate his ass and a v neck shirt. He was still lean but his muscles were defined well enough. 

He stood in the doorway of the terrace and tried to look casual as Tenoch approached him. Fuck, somewhere over the last ten years, Tenoch had perfected his strut. Julio wanted to grab a fistful of Tenoch’s shirt and yank him down for a kiss.

His face felt warm and he resisted the urge to fan himself. Tenoch stopped right on the edge of Julio’s personal space, and Julio swayed slightly on his feet. They’d always been in each other’s spaces, standing closer together than they did with their other friends, always touching. They were close enough then that it would have been simple for Julio to lean up, stretch just enough that their lips would meet.

Tenoch had initiated their first kiss. Julio would do the same now, to hell with his vow to not let anything but talk happen between them that night.

Tenoch’s lips parted as if he was going to break the silence between them, and Julio seized the opportunity. His fingers curled in the front of Tenoch’s shirt, and he yanked Tenoch down. His tongue slid into Tenoch’s mouth, drawing a moan from him.

Their first kiss had been tentative, their second and third frantic, but this kiss was pure aggression and passion and ten years of pent up emotions that combusted under all the pressure and weight.

“Wait, wait,” Tenoch gasped once they both came up for air. His lashes fluttered as Julio’s mouth moved to his neck, and he groaned, his face scrunching as his fingers tightened in Julio’s hair. “I thought- I thought you wanted to, to talk, _fuck_.” He hissed as Julio bit him, and he hadn’t gotten so hard so quick since— Since—

Well, since Luisa had gone down on both of them simultaneously.

“Fuck talking,” Julio mumbled as his fingers fumbled with the buttons of Tenoch’s shirt.

“Ay— Hey, fuck.” Tenoch’s eyes squeezed shut as Julio sucked on his earlobe. “Are you crazy, motherfucker? We’re in _public _.”__

__Julio pulled back but didn’t let go of Tenoch’s shirt. “Then let’s get the fuck out of here.” He hadn’t been that impulsive in years, and he hoped it didn’t turn out to be a mistake. “Tenoch, please.”_ _

__Tenoch licked his lips, and his eyes flicked away for just a second, but then he gave a slow nod. They could always talk later, right? Julio’s voice held that high whine that Tenoch could remember signaled him coming. Julio wanted to fuck, and Tenoch wasn’t about to deny him. “Okay.”_ _

__Julio’s eyes lit up and a big grin played across his face._ _


	5. A Flash in the Night with My Arms Open Wide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenoch and Julio make it back to Julio's apartment for feels, more feels and maybe some sex.

They determined Julio’s apartment was closer since it was within walking distance of the club. Both men had feared the other would lose his nerve during the six block walk, so their hands didn’t remain idle.

They kept stopping to duck into alleyways because one or the other would find himself pressed against a wall and kissed and groped. Julio felt ready to burst and he damn near dropped to his knees and begged Tenoch to fuck his mouth right there on the street.

He only resisted because they were mere steps from his building by then. They managed to restrain themselves on the short walk to the elevator, and as soon as the doors slid closed, Julio pressed Tenoch against the wall and kissed him fiercely. His hand went down the front of Tenoch’s jeans, and they groaned in unison as Julio squeezed Tenoch’s dick.

“Shit, fuck— Stop,” Tenoch gasped.

Julio jerked back as if he’d been scalded. “What?” He tried to keep the hurt from his voice.

Tenoch’s face softened. “Not like _that_. I’m not backing out. I just— If we don’t cool it, I’m going to come right here.”

“Oh.” Julio’s mouth curved into a wicked grin, and he laughed. He moved close again, adjusting his stance as he straddled one of Tenoch’s legs. He smirked when Tenoch’s breath caught as he rocked his hips, rubbing against Tenoch’s knee. “See what you do to me?”

“Julio, no more,” Tenoch panted as Julio mouthed along the line of his neck. “Please, I beg you.”

Julio laughed. “I like that, you begging me.”

Tenoch flushed and groaned softly. “Get me upstairs and I’ll beg all you want.”

Julio groaned as his cock swelled fuller and harder, and he shuddered as he imagined Tenoch on his knees. “You’re not going to run away this time? Scramble out of bed in the morning and—” His voice faltered, and he cleared his throat as he tried to steady his stammering his heart.

“Be sick?” Tenoch’s gaze dropped to his feet, and then he struggled to meet Julio’s gaze. “I’m so sorry, Julio. I freaked out.”

“You think I didn’t freak out too?” Julio’s mouth had gone dry. He hadn’t wanted to have this conversation, at least not yet. “I wanted you _so much_ , Tenoch. That’s why I fucked Ana.”

Tenoch’s brown eyes widened and his jaw went slack. “You— What?”

Julio couldn’t meet Tenoch’s eyes, and he turned his head, shoulders slumping. Fortunately, the elevator dinged and the doors slid open as they arrived at his floor. He slipped through the doors as soon as the gap was wide enough.

Logically, he knew it was ridiculous to run — he could hear Tenoch shout his name, his feet pounding on the floor as he chased Julio — but he hadn’t made a conscious decision to run. He’d started this but he wasn’t prepared to deal with feelings and shit. He’d just wanted reassurance that when they woke up next to each other, Tenoch wouldn’t bolt.

It had to be a little ironic then that he had been the one to bolt. He halted outside his apartment door, and his hands shook as he pulled his keys from his pocket. He dropped them twice, swearing under his breath, and as he bent down the third time, a hand shot out and snatched them up.

“ _Julio_.” Tenoch panted heavily, clutching the keys in his hand.

“ _Tenoch_.” Julio avoided his gaze, hyper aware of the fact that his voice had gone up in pitch.

“Why did you—” Tenoch muttered curses under his breath.

Julio turned his head away. He squeezed his eyes shut, wondering just what the hell was wrong with him. He heard the jangle of the keys on his ring and then the click of the lock opening. He jumped as he felt fingers close around his hand, and he let himself be drawn forward, his eyes still closed.

“I’m not going anywhere, Julio.”

The door clicked shut, and Julio exhaled as he blinked open his eyes. Tenoch stood in front of him and as their eyes met, he flashed a tentative smile. Julio’s heart ached at the sight, and he reached out, brushing his thumb over the corner of Tenoch’s mouth.

“What did you mean?” Tenoch brought his own hand up and caressed Julio’s cheek. “Why did you fuck Ana?”

Julio squirmed but Tenoch pressed forward, pinning him against the door. Julio’s thoughts whited out for several seconds from the press of Tenoch’s body against his, the heavy wood door at his back. “It’s stupid,” he muttered. “Just something I heard and—” He shook his head. “Tenoch, please. Don’t make me say it. I feel stupid enough.”

Tenoch snorted. “When you fuck someone, you’re fucking everyone else they’ve ever fucked?”

Julio nodded, unable to find his voice. Spoken aloud like that, it sounded completely ridiculous. He blinked as Tenoch’s eyes softened, and Tenoch pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

“How long?”

Julio furrowed his brow; Tenoch’s words had been so quiet that he wasn’t sure that he’d actually heard them. Then Tenoch repeated repeated himself, and Julio faltered. “I don’t know. After we started jerking off together. We were trading fantasies, building off each other, and one day I just saw myself doing to you what I was saying I wanted to do to those girls.”

Tenoch closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Julio’s as he stroked his hair. “Julio.”

“I didn’t say anything because—” Julio swallowed hard. “I was afraid you’d hate me.” He closed his eyes as Tenoch’s fingers combed through his hair. “I was right.”

“You weren’t—” Tenoch exhaled sharply and curled his fingers around the back of Julio’s neck. “I didn’t hate you. I _don’t_ hate you. I was— My father—”

“I get it,” Julio mumbled as he squirmed. “You don’t—”

“Do you know how many guys I’ve slept with just because they looked like you?” Tenoch drew back and their eyes met. His fingers gripped the back of Julio’s neck harder.

Julio felt his pulse race. “Tenoch,” he whined. He flashed back to the night Tenoch had been so enraged about him sleeping with Ana. Tenoch had growled rapid-fire questions at him and had even gripped his chin at one point. He’d whined then too, high in his nose, and he’d been astonished that Tenoch hadn’t realized how that had affected him.

Tenoch had drawn back again, and he studied Julio’s face. Then his eyes narrowed and his lips pressed together. 

Julio could hear his pulse pounding in his ears. “What?” he croaked. “Tenoch, w—” His breath hitched as pain flared across his scalp, and his knees threatened to buckle.

“Fuck, you _liked_ that.” Tenoch’s eyes widened, and he tugged Julio’s hair again.

“ _Fuck_!” Julio grasped Tenoch’s arms to keep himself upright. “ _Yes_ , now fucking stop so we can—”

Tenoch’s lips curled into a familiar wicked smirk, and Julio shuddered, heat licking through him.

“I don’t think I want to stop.” Tenoch kissed Julio hard and nipped his lower lip.

Julio shuddered and whined again as his scalp burned from Tenoch pulling his hair. He pressed his hips against Tenoch’s, seeking friction, seeking release. Everything in him cried out, begging Tenoch for more, and he dimly registered that he’d spoken aloud.

Tenoch’s eyes had darkened, his pupils blown wide, and he smirked. “Say it again.”

Julio whined. “Tenoch, _please_ , I need more.”

Tenoch kissed him again and cupped his face in his hands. “Get on your knees,” he breathed as he broke the kiss. He stepped back to give Julio room.

Julio moaned and immediately sank to his knees. He didn’t even care that they’d barely made it into the apartment and were still standing by the front door. He shamelessly mouthed along the length of the prominent bulge in Tenoch’s jeans. 

A loud grunt from Tenoch rewarded his efforts, and feeling emboldened, he made short work of button and zipper. He tugged the jeans and Tenoch’s (black, holy shit, hot) boxer briefs down just enough to free Tenoch’s cock. Smugness flared through him as Tenoch’s fingers fisted in his hair when he swallowed him down to the root.

Bliss. Just— Fucking bliss. That was how Julio would describe the exquisite sensation of Tenoch filling his mouth and throat. He groaned and drew back long enough to catch his breath. His fingers dug into Tenoch’s hips as he took him back down again.

Tenoch groaned and shuddered, one hand pressing flat against the wall to maintain his balance as his knees threatened to buckle. “Julio, shit.” He would come too quickly if Julio kept that up, but he didn’t want to tell him to stop either. It felt too fucking good.

Julio moaned loudly and pulled back to focus his attention on the sensitive head of Tenoch’s cock.

Tenoch made a loud keening noise. “Fuck, Julio, I’m gonna come.”

Julio made an encouraging noise and dug his fingers into the soft skin of Tenoch’s ass. They had all night, and he wanted to bring Tenoch to his peak again and again. He closed his eyes and savored Tenoch’s stuttered breaths and choked off groan as he came.

Julio hummed and sucked him until his cock began to soften, and only then did he pull back and shoot to his feet, panting slightly.

Tenoch pulled him close and their mouths collided in a messy, frantic kiss. Julio had dreamed how a reunion kiss between them might go, and the reality stole his breath and made his skin buzz.

Julio couldn’t say for certain how, but they managed to make it to the couch where they collapsed in a heap. Julio straddled Tenoch’s lap and Tenoch’s mouth fastened onto his neck as if it had been made for that exact spot.

“Fuck, oh god, Tenoch,” Julio gasped as Tenoch worked his jeans open and slid his hand inside Julio’s underwear. Julio’s eyes fluttered closed, and his hand moved up to cup the back of Tenoch’s head.

He didn’t go off instantly, but it was a damn near thing, and he keened as he grabbed Tenoch’s ears without thinking. Tenoch’s hand kept moving over his cock, and he arched his back.

He dimly heard a soft chuckle as pleasure overtook him, and he whined, his body going rigid.

When his breath came back to him, and he’d gone limb, his arms draped loosely over Tenoch’s shoulders, he narrowed his eyes. “What’s so funny?”

Tenoch smiled and tilted his chin up to claim a kiss. “Do you grab anyone else’s ears when you come?”

Julio scoffed and looked way to hide his face. “Jackass. No.”

Tenoch laughed and pressed kisses down the column of Julio’s throat. “Good. I’m glad that’s our thing.” He wound his arms around Julio’s waist and sighed as he rested his forehead against his lover’s collarbone. “I’m sorry I left you.”

Julio opened his mouth to speak but emotion welled like a giant lump in his throat. He pressed a kiss to the top of Tenoch’s head. “I’m glad you came back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friends, we have reached the end of this story. I appreciate you coming along for the ride and being patient as I drip fed you chapter after chapter. :D The response to this fic has been overwhelming, and I thank you so much!
> 
> You can see [a photoset](http://ibonekoen.tumblr.com/post/167317171274/breathing-air-but-theres-no-sign-of-life-ten) I made tracking the progression of Tenoch and Julio's relationship at my Tumblr! Come on by and say hello. I don't bite unless you ask! ;)
> 
> Thank you again to RapidAshPatronus for being my beta! <3333333


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